“It’s ok to unfold gently.” So said Joanna Paterson at Confident Writing. Her blog post title The Need Not to be Found resonated with me.
I have two directly opposing needs that others may or may not understand:
- The need to share stories through my writing and painting. To communicate and engage in conversation. To be with people.
- The need, at times, to retreat, be quiet, listen, breathe and absorb. To be alone. To unfold gently.
I have a need not to be found. Sometimes.
Summer mornings I often write from the front porch. I’m part of my neighborhood and part of the unfolding day, yet I’m alone in the quiet.
Other side of the patio wall. Birds and butterflies love the cone flowers.
The early morning stirs…
birds chatter
doves mourn
a few walkers pad softly by.
Some wave.
Betty, across the street,
waters the flowers in her porch pots.
Sounds travel from a distance.
Subdued.
Life happens around me, but unobtrusively so. I’m aware that I’m part of something shared – our neighborhood space – yet I’m alone on my porch. Unseen unless looked for.
I love this time of day.
Am I wrong to want not to be found sometimes?
I used to think so – that perhaps something was wrong with me for sometimes wanting to be alone. I don’t think so anymore…
Alone is my time to be still and breathe in what’s possible for my day and to write out my responses, to ask questions and wonder about things. To sketch patterns the sun draws on lawns or streams or stone walls.
It’s my time to take note of and be thankful for my blessings. Here are a few I never want to take for granted:
I can think, write, communicate in a language others can read and understand – the head is clear.
I can put on my walking shoes and go – the body still works.
I can breathe freely, on my own. (Others with occasional asthma will appreciate this one.)
I have an incredible family of sisters, husband, kids and kids-in-law and their kids, and fun relationships with all of them.
I love. And I am loved.
Alone I can get out of my own way so the day, my life, can progress with less chaos, with more clarity.
Can I be alone at a retreat?
Joanna’s Summer Writing Space is not a class. It’s a retreat. In Scotland. Online. With other writers who want to focus on areas of their writing, alone and in a group.
I won’t be in Scotland. But I can meet them there, from my front porch.
What do the grounds look like? How does the air feel? What are the natural textures there?
Where will I walk? Will there be coffee? Wine with dinner in the evenings? A secluded nook where I can take my pen and journal?
Will there be a gathering place where some or all of us can share and encourage each other?
These are for me to imagine from my own summer writing space…
Do you have the need to not be found sometimes?
Strangely enough, my mornings, while quiet, are my most energetic and productive times of the day.
How about you?
Do your needs seem to oppose each other?
Do you experience your high levels of energy during down times or when engaged with others?
It’s all okay, you know. 
Please have some coffee and share…
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