There’s a new Blog Carnival coming…
If I’d only known then what I know now, I’d…………………
I’ve heard it so often. Read it. Said it myself.
Would I really live a piece of my life differently, given another chance? Knowing then what I know now?
What do I know now that I didn’t know then? (Or at least am still learning?)
1. That my kids grew up faster than a coffee break. As a young mom I was so caught up in the everyday hassles I failed to savor every sip. (Don’t think I haven’t shared this one piece of wisdom with every young mom I’ve met since, including my daughters.)
2. It’s okay to break the rules as long as I am honest. It’s okay — good even — to be grounded in rules. But I know now that I don’t have to wall them in. I have to grow into truth, and I won’t do that unless I’m open to it.
3. Sometimes more is said when less is told.
4. It’s okay to fail. Okay to throw away a canvas or an expensive sheet of watercolor paper that I messed up beyond fixing. Okay to apologize when I’ve messed up in a relationship. It’s even okay to forgive me.
5. It’s okay to begin again. Always! Each day gives me a clean slate, unless I refuse to wash off yesterday’s chalk dust. I take with me who I’ve become so far, but I don’t have to repeat it unless I want to.
6. Not everyone will approve of me, like me, or care a whit about what I do. They will survive. And so will I.
7. I can change my mind. My attitude. My perspective. It’s my choice. Change the way I look at things and the way things look will change.So says Wayne Dyer.
8. It’s okay to walk in different shoes. Even to walk barefoot now and then, or in someone else’s shoes.
9. I am not at the center of anyone’s universe except my own. People are not sitting about plotting how to hurt me. They are not thinking about me at all! They are thinking about themselves, as am I. Get over myself!
10. Judgment is not a spiritual gift. Discernment is; learn the difference. (I’m still working on that one.)
If only I could go back…
…I’d take a cell phone and texting and blogging and my Painter program with its Wacom tablet. I’d keep my honey and kids, my grandkids and my sons-in-law and my buddies.
Aw heck — I think I’ll just focus on continuing to learn my Now-I-Know’s into the next decade so I won’t have to say at the end of it, If only I’d…
How about you? Would you go back if you could? Would you really live it any differently? What one life-lesson would you take back with you?
Please share… and thank you.
Barb
P.S. “Leave the past in the past. What you did isn’t who you are.” Kathy Herman, in a book Never Look Back.
Post Edit: Treat yourself to more Life-Lessons in this wonderful post Money Does Grow on Trees…
{ 32 comments… read them below or add one }
I had to work through some childhood hurts and then I did not look back – I needed to make my own day and my own way and I did.
I have only one regret that I used a word that hurt someone and that person would not accept an apology. I think I have forgiven myself and then it bubbles up again – I think I learned the lesson.
Very nice post and good things to ponder to make this day just the best it can be. Thank you
Patricia’s last blog post..A Prayer in Spring
No way would I go back, it was bad enough the first time and I’m not sure I’d do any better if I did it over.
And in the end, I still have my most prized treasures, my two daughters. If I went back and lived more wisely, they might not be here.
Anita
p.s. and yay, I finally can get here again!
Sliloh’s last blog post..If I knew then…
Hi Patricia. I know about that bubbling up thing… I guess that’s our subconcious’ terrific memory kicking in, and our own way of punishing ourselves. I hurt a friend — horribly, I guess. A friendship of over 20 years suddenly was no more. I begged — several times — to know what I’d done or said so I could aplogize, with no forthcoming answer. Only cold silence.
Over the years we have regained a politeness, and I still genuinely love this gal. She’s smart, loves her family, has values very similar to mine. But no more coffee dates. (Tea for her.)
There are other stories — we all have them. But on this side of them I have learned #4. It’s okay to fail and forgive myself.
You too… thank you so much for sharing. Don’t forget there’s a bottle of water with your name on it… I’m off to read your Prayer in Spring.
Hi Anita. I agree with you — I’d not trade what I have for what I might have had for anything! I’m a total believer that our lessons are blessings in the process of living, falling, and starting again.
Can you imagine if we’d had to know how to run gracefully and well before we toddled?
I know how much you love your girls. Me too. (I have 3.)
Thanks so much for your input.
I like them all!
4 and 7 are my faves.
Along the lines of #7, when you change your frame, you change the game.
J.D. Meier’s last blog post..3 Keys for a Successful Innovation
Hi Barb,
This has me thinking, what are the life lessons I’ve learned. To start, you have a wonderful list – and I’m especially drawn in to #1 and #10. I look at my kids today – 10, 12, 14 – and think that it seems like just yesterday they were babies. Time flies, and I want to really appreciate all the moments – which I haven’t done all that well at in the past… And #10, I’ve been thinking much about this recently – who am I to judge when I haven’t walked in another’s shoes. So, I really like this – the idea of discernment – of really working more toward understanding.
What would I add? Take more chances. Maybe this fits along with a couple you have already. To me, this is important, and something I didn’t do enough of when I was younger. And I’m not thinking “reckless chances”, but more along the lines of really listening to my heart, and if something speaks to me, then going after it…
Thanks much Barb, this post is wonderful!
Lance’s last blog post..Money Does Grow On Trees
I go back to savor the good and realize the hurts and slights were only bumps on the path. I wouldn’t change my life; I’d only stop to take stock more often along the way. I made mistakes, but I dealt with them. I suffered pain and caused pain, but I learned love. If I could make a change it would be to have noticed every day something beautiful and been glad and to have spent much less time concerned about myself. But, as you point out in #10, I have today to continue working on this.
Hi Barb,
A great post filled with wisdom.The parting quote“Leave the past in the past. What you did isn’t who you are.” is one to remember when we tend to put ourselves down.I liked all the points and each one is a pearl on its own.
thanks for giving it to us.
sema
sema’s last blog post..I am blessed with prosperity
Hi Sema. This is a lesson it has taken years to learn. Letting go of the past and its hold on you is freeing as can be.
Thank you J.D. Attitude makes all the difference, doesn’t it?
Hi Lance. You will be blessed just understanding how fast your kids grow up. Mine are 39, 41, and 43. Right now that may seem old to you. But tomorrow it won’t. And you know what? Age is only a number. Watching the growth process in them (and in you!) will be exciting your whole life long.
About judging and discerning and walking in other shoes: It’s easier said than done. I remember once thinking a certain person was really not very bright. When it was pointed out to me he didn’t read. Had never read a book in his life.
Wow. That struck me. He made a decent living and provided for himself and his kids. Without the benefit of all he would have learned through books. Not so dumb after all, was he?
Lance, I’m a believer: if something really speaks to your heart, then it’s a God-given passion. And, as I read once, if it’s a possiblility you want to follow and it won’t hurt others, go for it!
Thanks so much for visiting. I never add the cream once I know you like your coffee black. (My one son-in-law takes two drops of cream. Funny. But we do it that way…)
Barb
Hi Terro. Simple gratitude takes us a very long way, doesn’t it?
Well-said — all of it. Me too.
And that love thing… Once we learn it’s an action verb, it sort of fits better, doesn’t it?
Thanks so much for your comments…
So many of your points are so true. I am really glad I can finally get back to your place and read your always thought-provoking posts. I have been missing your coffee too!
I wonder what would happen if I went back and relived my life, knowing what I know now? I don’t know actually if, when I really think about it, I would do much differently.
There are things I regret, yes. But now I think of it, they are experiences from which I learned. Certainly I would be less ungrateful to my parents. I would not have married as I did – though there again i learned from that mistake. Other than that – no change.
Valerie Beeby’s last blog post..Inside Out or Outside In?
Hi Valerie. I’m with you. I asked my hubby what he wished he’s known when… and he — being the pragmatic and practical fellow he is — said you can’t go back so why even think about it? I think that’s what sent me in the direction I went.
I absolutely love the post you wrote for the blog carnival. Your Inside out or Outside In? Your writing always goes well with coffee.
Thanks for your comment — I like your reference to being more grateful.
Barb
Hi Barb! I love your blog and your artwork, and especially your words of wisdom here. I will take them to heart! If I could go back I might do things differently, and care a little less about what others thought of me. But we live and learn, don’t we?
Blessings to you!
Renae’s last blog post..Old Favorites
Renae — you are a Christian, so you know we can begin again, every day. We are forgiven and loved. As Christians, I think we’re often brought up to consider the other person ahead of ourselves. And while that’s a good thing, it can also be a disservice — if taken wrong. (That’s not a simple rule, is it?)
Hi there! I found lesson number nine to be so true and yet so difficult to change.
I do tend to magnify a mistake I made, a misstep if you will, and give it more importance than the other person did. And then I tend to worry about that, when in reality that other person forgot about it in an instant.
I find I don’t judge other people as harshly as I judge myself. These days I spend so much time trying to improve my own outlook that I rarely notice what other people are doing or saying.
And I know that’s the case for others as well. The trick of course is putting that lesson into play.
p.s. I featured your post today on my blog. Hopefully you’ll meet some new people as they stop by to comment. Cheers!
cardiogirl’s last blog post..The Party Posse’s destination — Over Coffee… Let’s talk
Hi CardioGirl! A lovely surprise this morning as I checked in. I went immediately to see you and read a bit about you. I love what your blog is about. I’m also a mom — always a mom, even when the kids are grown and have fast-growing-up kids of their own. We grow as they grow… on-going process.
What doesn’t change is your premise. Little pieces of life make all the difference to who we eventually become. To notice them, to see them up close — like a close-crop of a flower or blade of grass or someone’s eye — and to be able to put them into perspective for yourself and others is a gift. I plan to go read “the best” of your blog.
About judging others. I think we learn as we go — it’s a tricky one for sure. But whenever we reverse it, we realize — like cold water in the face — just how unfair it is to judge others without having the benefit of wearing their shoes. All of them — not just the Converse.
How often have we said to someone who has judged us You just don’t understand. And of course they don’t. Neither do we. So we do what you said — improving ourselves is a full-time project.
I’m so glad you came. Thank you for the boost — to my blog and to my day.
Barb
i probably would not have come out of the womb had i known then what i know now, but let’s keep this upbeat.
i would have paid better attention and gave more thought to the choices i made..but as your no. 5 states..it’s okay to begin again. can’t live in the past, even though it follows you. it cannot walk beside or even in front of me, but behind me. two steps back, in fact.
Natural’s last blog post..Mirror, Mirror on the Blog….
I came over from Cardiogirl’s site, and what a delight! These are pearl’s of wisdom that you can live by. I tend to be an overachiever, so I need to take to heart the advice about failing! As far as going back, I don’t think I would like to do that. I have no regrets for the most part, maybe except for the fact that I went into a profession for the money, not the passion. I did not love what I was doing, and as a result, I burned out and now stay at home with my kids. Not a bad ending, huh? On the positive side, the hated job kept us fed, clothed and the mortgage paid! You have an awesome blog and a great aura!
Sandy’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday
Hi Sandy. Thank you for your kind words. And good for you for getting out of what you hated doing. There really should be ways to profit from doing what we love. I know what I love doing — now it’s time to focus on what I would love to do WITH it.
You cannot go wrong staying at home with the kids. They’ll be gone almost before you have time to notice, unless you’re paying close attention.
I did some happy reading on your blog. I love books — always have at least one going. Never leave home without one. Never go to sleep without having read. Read over coffee. I’m addicted to story. Simply because life is so filled with them. And there’s something to learn, to look at differently, to avoid, to emulate, to pursue — well, you know exactly what I’m talking about.
Thanks for coming over.
Barb
I found it interesting that most of your rules dealt with forgiveness on some level–forgiveness of self, of others, and of time. Tough issue, forgiveness, and so very hard to actually practice–especially with one’s own self.
I love the rules–Number 4 is huge for me. I’ve spent days feeling bad that I missed a dental appt or years over something I did in my 20′s! Silly, I know.
Gotta run–the CardioGirl train is leaving the station! Thanks for the great post!
Lin’s last blog post..My pants make me laugh
Hi Lin. I’m so glad you got on CarioGirl’s train and made a stop here. We do offer doughnuts and water (as well as coffee) and no one near the ladies’ room to count your trips.
You made an interesting observation about forgiveness. I hadn’t seen that. But you’re right. I’ll have to think more about that. I suppose the very topic hints that we’re sorry about things, or we wouldn’t want to do them differently.
I’ll be on that train the next time it pulls out… and meanwhile, I’ve found another blog to read. Yours. Thanks.
Hi Natural. I like your comment about the past walking two steps behind you. Actually, it’s gone. It left its influence, we learned, we change. And then we live today. I begin again all the time.
Each day the slate’s wiped clean, and we have new chalk.
(That’s my interpretation of a Psalm verse.)
Thanks so much for coming. I’ll be reading ThinkingOutLoud now.
Hi Barb,
I have to admit that I am guilty of many of these things – especially the assuming that everyone is thinking about be all the time and assuming that once I’ve messed up, I’m automatically a failure.
I think these are great pieces of advice! But unfortunately (or fortunately?) for me, I’m going to have to learn them the hard way.
Thanks for sharing!
Christine’s last blog post..Coconut Bliss
If I could go back, I’d remind myself that everyone, in their own way, is a work in progress. And that no matter what they say or do to me, good or bad, it’s on them. I have as much right to exist as they do.
Great list. I’ve added you to my feed reader.
Hi Solomon. We are indeed, works-in-progress. For as long as we live……
Another I’d add to my own list is making conscious effort to be grateful for little things. I am now, and have been for many years, but early on I took much for granted. I really enjoyed reading through your list on your blog.
You cleaned up twice? To see the sparrows?
You cleaned up twice? To see the sparrows?
Yep. I’m all about the carrot. Not so much about the stick. I could have just stood in the window and looked at the birds, but I figured that the washing up needed doing too, so I might as well get double value from my time.
“Leave the past in the past. What you did isn’t who you are.” – so true!
Hi, here from Cardiogirl’s site. Glad I stopped by, we were having a conversation about this very topic today. A negative minded co worker claims he would do everything different from the get go. I have decided nothing is on the chopping block for me since without all that water under the bridge I would never have met some of the great people I know, wouldn’t have my awesome family, and so on. And I need to get over myself too
Tim’s last blog post..Directory Assistance: Blah Blah Blah Blah
Oh I soooo agree with you, Tim! All I have to do is look at my family to know I’d never go back and do it differently. Do somethings differently? Of course. But in the long range of things, I’m blessed and I know it.
I think that’s why I chose to write some things I’ve learned and am still learning rather than what I’d change. Because it’s different for all of us.
Thanks so much for coming over from Cardio Girl. I will be in her space from now on, having met some new friends.
Here I am from CardioGirl’s site a day late, but never a dollar short. These points are all ones worthy of thinking about and making part of your life. We all too often get caught up in the minutiae and forget to step back and look at the big picture.
I just finished reading The Shack by William P Young and it says a lot of stuff along similar lines only shows us that even the most devastating hurt can and needs to be forgiven.
Margaret’s last blog post..Michael Vick Out of Jail and Reformed
Late is not bad — coffee’s still hot. Friends are still here. (And I’m often late getting back to respond — so I hope you forgive me.)
We do too often get caught up in minutiae, Margaret. I so agree. I just wrote about that today. (Do You Have a Minute, Jack?)
A friend suggested The Shack to me recently. I’ve bought the book and am getting more into it. I love it! Feel like I’m reading C.S. Lewis or Madeleine L’Engle or George MacDonald. I’ve always loved metaphor — truth is just so big to get our minds around, isn’t it? But exciting.
Thanks for coming over.
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