We never see backstage before a performance, do we? We don’t know what competitors, speakers, musicians go through as the clock ticks toward performance time. How do they prepare those last few seconds?
Kali* is a dancer — competing for almost two years in ballet, lyrical, jazz, hip-hop, and acrobatics. The painting below is of her before a ballet/lyrical number last year.
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Just Before the Dance, 8″x10″ digital oils using Corel Painter, printed on canvas |
The poem that follows is one she wrote, giving words to her last few seconds’ preparation before dancing a jazz solo two weeks ago…
The First Steps
by Kali Marie Czekaj, Age 11
My palms are sweaty.
My body is shaking.
My heart pounds.
What have I gotten myself into?
Am I even ready?
What if they think
I’m weird?
All these things ponder through my mind.
I practice and watch from backstage.
I take deep breaths.
I cheer my friends on.
The butterflies in my stomach grow larger.
My coach asks “Are you ready?”
I have to nod my head.
She reminds me of some of the things we changed
and then tells me
“It’s time.”
They call my name.
I smile big
and step on stage.
The first steps are always
the hardest.
I’ve been on stage. I’ve had the sweaty palms, the shaking hands and pounding heart. I have wondered, at the last minute, why I ever agreed to speak. What did I have to say of value to the audience? Would they think I was weird?
My dad taught me to memorize my first thought. Said the rest would flow.
He was right. And so is Kali. The first few words — the first steps — are always the hardest.
We all have to perform somewhere… What are the steps you have taken that were the hardest? That you took anyway? (I know you could feel Kali’s poem as if it were your own…)
Barb
*Kali is my granddaughter; her teacher is her mom. And she won a very high award for her jazz solo dance. 
Poem reprinted with Kali’s permission.
{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
She’s lovely, and talented. You have a right to be so proud of her. Karol
Thank you so much, Karol. I think she was tickled when I asked her permission to print it. I didn’t change a thing except the font. Also had a chance to tell her about copyright laws.
A lovely child – though, of course, she may take exception at being called one! I like the painting too, but somehow the highlight on the hair seems a little too harsh, or prominent.
As to your question, I am, for the moment, nonplussed. Either I haven’t really done anything that challenged me so, or I have an abysmal memory. Or it could just be that I have sent off my child to school, with a distinct possibility of tummyache today – and I am in knots just now…
Hi Barb,
This post made me smile. First, I love that you were sharing your beautiful work, and then I thought, I bet that’s her granddaughter.
Like you, she has your beauty and creative talent. Her poem is awesome. Please thank her for letting you share.
I remember when I was young and about to embark on a new journey. I had those sweaty palms, but the excitement of the venture always won out. Thank you for reminding me of some great memories.
Barbara Swafford’s last blog post..Smashing The Myths About Blogging
Hi Swati. Those first steps can be making a call you dreaded but needed to. I think back over times I’ve NOT done the thing, whatever it was, and wished later I had.
I hope your little one is better by now.
Then you’ll be better… it’s a mom-thing.
Hi Barbara. Thank you — I will pass on your comment to Kali. (She will be appreciative.)
You mentioned a new journey, sweaty palms and all. It would be fun to take a memory trip back and list a few of those. Especially the biggies, the journeys you had to pack for, be it education or training or moving to a new city. The times when you decided to start again, new ventures, different directions.
My dad used to say scary butterflies and excitement were all the same — adrenalin. He chose excitement.
Sounds like you do the same. Maybe it’s in a name…
Kali is beautiful: I can certainly see the family resemblance with her grandmother. From her poem, I can tell she had a great deal of self possession and understanding, even at 11. She must be a poised and gracious young woman today.
Terro’s last blog post..Please Don’t Offend Me
Thank you Terro– I told Kali what you wrote and she beamed. She keeps a journal going all the time. Down time, she’s in her journal doodling or designing or writing.
She said she’d copy out what you wrote. (And she is all of that — I was thrilled you got that from this little poem.)
Barb
I’m always learning…
Hi Barb! Thanks for telling me about Kali’s poem. I can just picture her, sitting and pondering. I agree that the first steps (words) are the hardest for me also. After you get started, it seems to flow. I liked what your Dad said about memorizing the first line. It was good to spend time with you this weekend, thanks for visiting KC.
Beautiful picture and poem and just caught those first steps so finely glued together with familial love and guidance. Perfectly pitched and lovely harmony. Thank you
Patricia’s last blog post..A Prayer in Spring
I LOVE Kali’s poem — so mature for an 11 year old and so right. Thanks for sharing it and the picture. I have had those feelings before entering the ring on a horse or showing one of my dogs and can really relate to that poem. I wish her much success in her dancing.
Deb H.’s last blog post..Update on Rabies Vaccine Reaction in My Pugs
Thank you Deb. I guess it doesn’t matter what we do, we’re gonna’ get butterflies right up until we do the thing. What kind of competitive riding do you do?
I will pass along your good wishes to Kali. (She will beam.)
What a blessing that art runs so deeply through your family! I can feel your pride and excitement for your daughter and for Kali through your words and images here.
In the comments, you reminded us that we don’t always take those first scary steps. Lots of reasons behind that but you gave two great examples that make it easier. First, is unconditional love. For Kali, I bet she knew that even if she slipped and fell during here performance, that Grandma is out there in the audience and will love her with or without bruises and awards. Second, is reframing it. It is so easy to talk ourselves into being scared but changing the words and perception to excitement changes the fear.
Bean’s last blog post..Power of Pingbacks or How I got naked with the Fairy Blog Mother
Hi Dawn! Bless you for stopping by. As for my sivisting KC, I do it often, and always learn something.
Your way with words before a gathering is infectious, and inspires others to action. You pour your love and enthusiasm for what you do into you work, and it shows. Whether you’re “on stage” or sitting at a track meet cheering your kids.
The Chapel is blessed to have you.
Barb
Thanks so much Patricia
— you see, Bean joins you for chilled water.
No more competitive riding but used to show both Western and Hunt seat on local then Quarter Horse circuit — back surgery nuked that but I still ride for pleasure and am grateful I can.
Deb H.’s last blog post..Update on Rabies Vaccine Reaction in My Pugs
Oh, my beautiful and talented niece…..the few times I’ve been with her, she’s been so quiet and confident, almost serene…..much like the lovely ballerina you’ve painted. I never had any idea she suffered so before a performance! And I never knew you did also before a speech…..it never showed! Her poem is precious, just like her……I love the new insight I have into one of my favorite people. Thanks for sharing!