Comments on: How Do You Handle Hurtful Remarks?

By: Barbara Hartsook

Barbara Hartsook — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 20:49:19 +0000

Hi Sandy! Words well-intentioned, but are they really? Harsh words so that maybe we can change? I don’t know the reasons for criticism, but I know I think I’m doing the best I can. I don’t intentionally work to offend, so I just pray no one takes offense.

There are times when we do need to be made aware of having hurt someone or done something wrong, but a steady diet of “Let me help you get over all that’s wrong with you” can get rather distasteful after a while.

Thanks so much for sharing how you handled your coworker. Certainly a lesson worth learning — and not an easy one, either.

Love you too, my life-long friend…

By: Sandy Reiber

Sandy Reiber — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 02:23:25 +0000

Hi Barb, This brought back memories of an incident where I worked and how I finally handled it. A friend of mine felt the need to inform me of any unkind comments fellow workers made about me. She felt I needed to be aware of what was being said. (she felt she was helping me) I remember stewing about it and having conversations with them in my mind at night while I was “trying” to go to sleep. This wore me out and sapped my energy. Negativity can sure do that. Finally I told her I would no longer listen to any negative comments from others…their opinions were their problems, not mine. I knew who I was, and I was very grateful God made me the way He did…not perfect, but pleasant and positive. I remember the quote…”2 things are hard on your heart…running up stairs and running down people.” Thanks for sharing and listening. Love you.

By: Barbara Hartsook

Barbara Hartsook — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 21:20:37 +0000

Hahahaha… oh I know I shouldn’t laugh at your misadventure of running into barbed wire. But it brought to mind a picture of why you go by Barbara, not Barb.

My faint scar runs through my right eyebrow…

By: Barbara Swafford

Barbara Swafford — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 09:52:34 +0000

Hi Barb,

It’s funny you mentioned a barb on wire as when I was a little girl I ran right into a barbed wire fence – and still have a faint scar across the bridge of my nose to prove it. Needless to say, I took some teasing for that one.

By: behartsook

behartsook — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 13:31:36 +0000

Hi Barbara… wise advice. My youngest daughter has a favorite saying: don’t take it personally. She says it to me, to her own daughters, and most importantly, to herself! Thanks.

P.S. I took Latin all through high school — don’t ask me why other than my dad thought it would be good for me and he did it — and the other students thought my name was fun to take literally: savage, barbarian, foreigner. Hahaha… so, we’ve been called many things over time. At least in English we’re only prickly, intermittently. (My definition of a barb on wire.)

By: behartsook

behartsook — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 13:24:10 +0000

Hi Vered. Yes! I agree… it’s just getting our hurt feelings to recognize what our heads know. Thanks.

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By: Barbara Swafford

Barbara Swafford — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 03:32:15 +0000

Hi Barb,

Yes, why do they call them a “barb”?

Depending on who it is, I usually give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they’re having a bad day and don’t take it personally. If it’s someone I know, I will try to nip it in the bud straight on. This technique stops me from stewing about something that may not have anything to do with me, but instead, I was the closest person available to “take it out on”.

By: vered | blogger for hire

vered | blogger for hire — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 01:32:22 +0000

I try to remember that it’s usually not about me but about them and their own issues.

By: behartsook

behartsook — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 15:17:10 +0000

Just proves my mom right all the more. We never know where the other person is coming from — either the one throwing a barb (why do we call it a barb? ouch!) or the one catching it. We just can’t know.

I didn’t know about your injury, Bean. I’ll try not to cause you tears — — but even those of us who haven’t suffered such can be snappish with our tongues before our brains think. I know I have.

Thanks for summing up the many reasons hurtful comments are made — and I do believe they run the full gamut from well-intentioned to down-right cruel.

And I pray for the kind of grace you eloquently spelled out…..