“It’s ok to unfold gently.” So said Joanna Paterson at Confident Writing. Her blog post title The Need Not to be Found resonated with me.
I have two directly opposing needs that others may or may not understand:
- The need to share stories through my writing and painting. To communicate and engage in conversation. To be with people.
- The need, at times, to retreat, be quiet, listen, breathe and absorb. To be alone. To unfold gently.
I have a need not to be found. Sometimes.
Summer mornings I often write from the front porch. I’m part of my neighborhood and part of the unfolding day, yet I’m alone in the quiet.
Other side of the patio wall. Birds and butterflies love the cone flowers.
The early morning stirs…
birds chatter
doves mourn
a few walkers pad softly by.
Some wave.
Betty, across the street,
waters the flowers in her porch pots.
Sounds travel from a distance.
Subdued.
Life happens around me, but unobtrusively so. I’m aware that I’m part of something shared – our neighborhood space – yet I’m alone on my porch. Unseen unless looked for.
I love this time of day.
Am I wrong to want not to be found sometimes?
I used to think so – that perhaps something was wrong with me for sometimes wanting to be alone. I don’t think so anymore…
Alone is my time to be still and breathe in what’s possible for my day and to write out my responses, to ask questions and wonder about things. To sketch patterns the sun draws on lawns or streams or stone walls.
It’s my time to take note of and be thankful for my blessings. Here are a few I never want to take for granted:
I can think, write, communicate in a language others can read and understand – the head is clear.
I can put on my walking shoes and go – the body still works.
I can breathe freely, on my own. (Others with occasional asthma will appreciate this one.)
I have an incredible family of sisters, husband, kids and kids-in-law and their kids, and fun relationships with all of them.
I love. And I am loved.
Alone I can get out of my own way so the day, my life, can progress with less chaos, with more clarity.
Can I be alone at a retreat?
Joanna’s Summer Writing Space is not a class. It’s a retreat. In Scotland. Online. With other writers who want to focus on areas of their writing, alone and in a group.
I won’t be in Scotland. But I can meet them there, from my front porch.
What do the grounds look like? How does the air feel? What are the natural textures there?
Where will I walk? Will there be coffee? Wine with dinner in the evenings? A secluded nook where I can take my pen and journal?
Will there be a gathering place where some or all of us can share and encourage each other?
These are for me to imagine from my own summer writing space…
Do you have the need to not be found sometimes?
Strangely enough, my mornings, while quiet, are my most energetic and productive times of the day.
How about you?
Do your needs seem to oppose each other?
Do you experience your high levels of energy during down times or when engaged with others?
It’s all okay, you know. 
Please have some coffee and share…
{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
I get this Barb. Really get this. I struggle with the two parts of me all the time. The part that needs to be with people and the part that needs alone time. For me though, since I must work every day in a very busy office, my people time isn’t always with people I’d choose to be with under other circumstances. And my alone time is such a wee part of my life that I tend to then horde it greedlily – and struggle to give it up to spend at least a little time with my true friends. I like the idea of starting the day off with the alone time though – that’s something that I’ve never tried, but it sounds like such a serene start to the day so I intend to give it a try very, very soon. Love your blog!
Hi Diana. I love it when I hit a resonant chord with others whom I admire.
I haven’t always had the early mornings to myself either, but now that I do, I cherish them. I’m fortunate that I like to rise before the sun does. A lot of people don’t — but they find their quiet times in other ways.
Thanks so much for coming by.
Barb
P.S. I’m soooo sorry to be missing dye-day with you all!
Hi Barb
Wish I had a quiet porch to sit on. I’ve noticed my most productive part of the day is not the same as my most creative part of the day. I find I need the balance of both moods and modes to accomplish anything over a period of time. Painting time is my soul time. Lately I have begun to feel a real urgency to paint more and to communicate more about it. Perhaps it comes from a certain confidence in what I am doing and experiencing. In looking at what I can produce being creative! And sometimes I just get hung up on the words! lol!
Always enjoy your blog Barb!
Hugs,
Joan
I love my alone time. Two daughters and a boyfriend were here for the weekend – I was exhausted with cooking and caring and listening by the time they left…today I just sat on the deck with my salad and did not move for 2 hours, watching the birds and monarchs.
I so wanted to sign up for Joanna’s workshop…on line, it was not meant to be this time…I guess I need to get back to work, to get some funds to do these things.
Lovely….I am drinking ionized water ph balanced….it is hydrating the muscles….feeling better. No more wine for me, but then again looks like a healthy liver is coming my way
Nice reflections, enjoy the workshop/retreat…
You express yourself so beautifully Barb. Alone time is peaceful and rejuvenating.
I love my alone time a bit too much these days probably. I remember reading once that extroverts get their strength and energy from people, where introverts get it from time alone. I don’t know if that’s true, but while I can do social, I have always needed that time alone to recharge so to speak. A lot of that could be having ADD where being around people can feel like a bombardment.
I’m feeling bombarded badly this last few days with my new family member and he’s not even human!
Anita
Sliloh´s last blog ..If you want it…
Hi Barb .. that was lovely .. yes I love being on my own, as I do sharing .. and love being loved and giving love back. The quiet solitude is necessary .. and I guess being single I do work quite a lot of things out as I spend my day.
Your commune with nature is great .. and will be wonderful for me to do in the years ahead .. for now I just do what I can .. the best for me, my Ma and interact with others remembering their lives sharing with them and being considerate of them.
Enjoy your course, your peace, your community and above all your loving family, friends and us lot! Happy times – Hilary
Hilary´s last blog ..Could this be a sitcom – or a break out sitcom Ever had a one word – at a time – conversation Fish and Chips – how do you spell it
Barbara,
I know exactly how you feel! I need those two things too – being on my own, reading, writing, doodling around, or just sitting in a nice café, looking at the blue summer sky, taking in the easy atmosphere.
And I thoroughly enjoy talking to friends, exchanging experiences, things I am learning, ways to handle problems. And both need to be in a balance.
Ulla Hennig´s last blog ..Observing and Absorbing
Barb, this is so beautiful… and peaceful. I can feel myself breathing out, and then breathing in the sights and sounds of your soft neighbourhood morning.
I know I need these times, that space. Although it’s time to be alone, it’s also the time to feel the deepest sense of connection I know.
Thank you for sharing this, and for exploring some of your wonderings about the writing space.
Oh I love the way you use language, Barb. I too really connected with Joanna’s blog post. I want recognition, and I also want to hide away. Yet another of life’s apparent contradictions. Pehaps those of us (maybe it’s most of us) who live with this dichotomy of needs/desires can offer something very rich. We’re neither hermit nor constant socialite. We have a balance, two aspects to tenderly nurture.
Jan Scott Nelson´s last blog ..Give it a go!
Hi Jan. Thank you. And I like how you turn a few words into poetry…
Well said! It is balance, isn’t it? And if we don’t pay attention, we’ll miss our own opportunities.
Barb
Hi Barbara
What a super phrase “Unfold Gently”.
That’s exactly how I feel sometimes, but my wife calls it being antisocial.
There are times when I just want to sit quietly, sip a glass of white wine and read something interesting.
No need to interact, no need to be witty, no need to be clever.
In future I can call it unfolding gently, but my wife will still call it being antisocial. LOL
Keith Davis´s last blog ..A splash of colour
Hi Keith.
It’s Joanna Paterson’s phrase. It so touched me I signed up immediately for her retreat and then borrowed the line here.
Hmmm… I call sipping wine with a good book a great way to relax and regroup. You speak publicly — that takes a ton of energy.
Thanks for commenting…
Barb
Hi Barb,
Love this thoughtful post. I need, I’ll go so far as to say, crave, my quiet time. Time to think, time to just be. No TV, no telephones, no much of anything. Just me, my books, my thoughts and plans.
And two sleeping little kitties who love their quiet time too!
Hi Barb -
The eternal introversion / extroversion struggle that we all face. We are all born alone and die alone and it is a beautiful thing learning to be at peace alone. I used to hate it, however over the last few years I’ve found that time to reflect and enjoy my own company is actually a treat. By contrast I used to crave people all the time, however now I’m more selective about how I spend my time and who with. I guess we are always shifting on this continuum. The bottom line is we need both to be truly happy and creative. Thanks for a beautiful meditation on this.
Phil
Phil – Less Ordinary Living´s last blog ..Can you really think yourself happy
My alone time is where I do my best thinking and it’s how I recharge.
J.D. Meier´s last blog ..Lessons Learned from Dr K on Interpersonal Skills and the Art of Persuasion
Hi Barb,
I’m with you on this one. My alone time is sacred to me. That’s when my creative juices flow and like JD said, I recharge. Without it, things just wouldn’t be the same.
Barbara Swafford´s last blog ..Women vs Men – Who Wins The Word Count Award
Hi Barb,
I love the ‘me time’ I have. I have always been able to find it and I relish it. I feel that people who fill their lives all the time are missing something very important in not taking the quiet times.
Enjoy the journey.
Mandy
Mandy Allen´s last blog ..How do you relax
Wonderful! Much-needed words for a crazy, busy world. Your work is exquisite – so glad to have landed here on a Saturday morning. It’s time to think about taking some coffee to the porch and relaxing myself.
Barb, I have just returned from a self-imposed time out, so I totally get this. Sometimes one has to be alone to regather and reorder priorities so we can stay self-driven instead of other-driven. I love the way you express yourself, it’s almost as emotive (is that a real word?) as your artwork. Love it;O)
Oooooh……we are indeed sisters in every way! Yes, yes, yes! I could have written this myself, Barb…..but then I think you already know that. Guess that’s why our conversations are priceless……we have the same spirit, and we both know where it came from. I love you, precious sister!
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